He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize