So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
