You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
