Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize