So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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