Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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