Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
