So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
