I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
