I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
