My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
