Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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