never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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