so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
