I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
