I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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