You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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