He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
