Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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