Got a toothbrush?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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