Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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