Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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