Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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