Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just gargled with NyQuil
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
