i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
