I heard we made out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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