Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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