Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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