Are we in a gay sports bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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