i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
