I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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