I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
