You really coming over, don't trick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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