I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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