I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
