my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
