There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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