The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am available for nakedness
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
