Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
