I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
