I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
