i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I touched a dick in church today
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
