what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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