Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
