Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
