Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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