No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
