if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
