made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
