sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
