i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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