Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You pole danced in your parka.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
