I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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