I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
