I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
