The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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