if only i could text you this smell
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
