i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
