girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
