she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
