I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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