Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
