Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
