I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize