He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
