you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
