then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
