i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
