Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
