PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
